Who am I?

As a parent, I think it’s very easy to forget just who you are. When I’m not with the kids, I’m doing stuff that usually revolves around them, cleaning the room, sorting clothes out, getting stuff ready for them returning. I don’t know who I am anymore, or what I like, because I don’t really get a look in anymore. It’s all about the kids, and very rarely about me, but I suppose that’s what we all give up when becoming a parent.

Probably why some people decide to have kids later on in life, so they can do things and experience things while still being young. I obviously didn’t get that chance, and I wouldn’t change anything atal, but it does make me wonder that if I was an older parent, would I maybe know who I was still now? 18 is pretty young to become pregnant, you are finally legal to drink, you are an adult, and life is really just beginning. For me though, I fell pregnant, and moved out, all within a month, so it was a lot all at once. I had just started my job, my ex worked part time, we didn’t have much money, and now we was about to be bringing a baby into the world.

Being 19, a new mum, and having moved away from my family, I struggled. I cried to my mum saying how alone I was that first few weeks after having my son, because I was alone. His dad went to work 8 o’clock in the morning and returned 9 at night, so not only did I have this new little baby that I was breastfeeding and really had no clue on what I was doing, I had nobody near me to help me out, so it was just us, me and this little boy who now needed me to do everything for him.

I would see people my age, going out, having fun, still living with parents and not having any financial worries, or kid worries, or having to run a home, just living life. And all I was thinking about was, breastfeeding, tidying up, and trying to remember to eat a meal! It was so stressful, and in the end I moved back home and split up with his dad. That gave me a little bit of time to remember who I was, as his dad took him Friday-Sunday, I still didn’t go out, as that wasn’t really me anyway, but it just meant I could go out without worrying that I needed to get home for a certain time, or make tea, etc.

Now I have added another 2 kids into the mix and I really don’t know who I am, all I know is I am mum. If I was to be asked to tell someone a bit about myself, I would probably freeze and think omg, what can I say? Hi, I’m jade, and I’m a mum to 3? Because that’s all I do, be a mum and work, I do nothing else. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t be without the kids ever, but I do sometimes wonder who I am, and what I ever did before they cam along.

I am more than just a mum, I need to remember that x

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