It hurts me to say this..

I regret him so much. Yes, I said it, I regret the person I had my first child with, never the child, the child is amazing, but the father, not so much. I try to not bash him too much, or write anything ‘too’ personal, but it has to be said, because it’s the truth. We do not get on, and we probably never will again. I’ve wrote about his girlfriend in a previous blog post, and tbh, that was a smack in the face when that went wrong.

You see, I really want the best for my son, I would do anything to make him happy, and if that means getting on with his father, then I would. And trust me, I’ve tried, oh so hard, I’ve forgave things thay most people would never of forgave, but I did because as I said, he’s my child’s father and I just want to try and keep everything civil. I’ve learnt now though that sometimes, it’s best just to avoid any communication as in the past year, all t has got me is abuse.

He lives a life that I don’t live, he gets his child once a week, for around 6/8 hours depending on how he is feeling, I’m with that child 24/7, I receive no money from him, I pay for everything, and it’s hard, and I resent him for that. How is it fair that it’s all left to me, a tenner a week would go far! Towards school dinners, or his classes he is going to attend, but nothing, not one single penny.

You can only try for so long before it gets boring, the amount of times I’ve tried to have a conversation with him, for him to just ignore me/shout at me is unreal. I can’t even tell him about things that have went on as he gets mad at me, what’s that about? I’ve come to realise that by talking to him, I only get hate in return, so I’ve now not spoken to any of them in a few days and I must say, it feels nice.  I loved being able to communite with his girlfriend instead of him, but now I can’t even talk to her after what’s went on the past week, and I’m not even bothered about that anymore.

I want all negativity out my life, my son still needs to see them, but I do not. We have nothing nice to say to each other, I’ve invited them to school sports day, football training, anything he has done, I’ve tried to be the bigger person, but when it’s all one sided you can’t do anything else about it. I always said I think it’s good for my son to see his parents get on, but that can’t happen, so now for his sake, it’s a case of ignore each other(unless an emergency happens and I have to talk too him).

So yes, I regret him, so much, but I’m also so grateful at the same time, because without him, I wouldn’t have my amazing gorgeous child. It’s weird how the person I dislike the most, has gave me the sweetest most loving child. He could take some tips from his son on being nice, it might do him some good! Some people only care for themself, and he is unfortunately one of them! X

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