Not how I pictured

Life for me right now, is no way how I ever imagined it would be. At the age of 26 I always imagined having my own home, with a good job, and children(which I have), oh and the main thing I imagined, was not being alone with my children. Didn’t quite turn out how I imagined though. I struggle to get by with money, my money goes in and straight back out again with very little left over at the end of the month.

Im in a 2 bedroom small flat(my worst nightmare is being stuck in a flat forever, I would love a house with a garden for the kids. That means though leaving the place I’ve always called home, you see I’ve stayed in the same area for the majority of my life, I’ve only ever left for 2 year and ended up coming back again! You can’t really get houses in Edinburgh, it’s mostly flats, so for me to get a house I will have to leave! My mum is right around the corner from me though and anyone that knows me well enough from watching my Instagram will also know I’m with my sister a lot!

Job wise, I’ve been at the same place since I was 18, it’s ok, but I’m on minimum wage which is crap as we all know! It doesn’t get me very far, especially when I only work 16 hours a week so I have to then rely on top up from Craig and my working tax credit! Retail isn’t for me though, so hopefully in the future I can do something I will love and look forward to going to everyday but for now it will do! Thankfully I work with a pretty good bunch so it makes the experience a whole lot better!

One thing I never thought would happen though, would be going through mental health problems. Something I can’t seem to get over at the moment, I’ve spoke about this before in previous blog posts, but basically I have been suffering for the past 2 and a half year, and it’s been horrific and I just want to live my life without feeling the way I do constantly, but I’m going to try new things to make that happen so hopefully, soon I will be able to say ‘I’m better’.

The biggest thing though, is the fact I’m alone, raising a 6 year old, 2 year old and a 1 year old. Wow that is hard, I really didn’t think it would be this hard, especially since I didn’t find it all the difficult when Craig was around cause I still got a minute to myself, but someone’s I can go 8 days without him having a day off and on those days it is extremely difficult because after a while I do just want to be able to have a shower without rushing, or eat my tea in peace. I won’t complain too much though, this is what I’ve always wanted(to be a mum)I just think I didn’t realise just how hard it would be though being on my own with them.

I know as the kids get older and I can maybe do something else to try and make more money, then it will hopefully all get better, but for now this is how it is and I can’t complain because the main thing is, my kids are happy and healthy and have everything they could need or want. Can I give them fancy holidays abroad? No, well I could but it would be a struggle and I’m just not wanting to struggle anymore than I already do with money. Do they have designer gear, no, it’s mostly next/Asda,primark but that doesn’t matter because they still look good.

Life will get better one day I hope, just right now it’s difficult, but I have all I need. A roof over my head, food, and my kids and that’s all I could really ask for. X

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