I’m struggling….

I never wanted this to become something I moan on, but if I’m being serious on this, showing my real life, then this needs to be said. I’m struggling with the lack of sleep,  I’m struggling with routine, I’m struggling adjusting to life as a single mum(it’s been 6 month when will it get easier?!) I’m sick of the ‘same stuff, different day’ sort of thing, every single day is the same, never any different, and I know, that’s my fault for not changing it up. It’s hard to do different things though when money is such an issue, I don’t have money, so I can’t do anything that costs money, and all the free stuff we have done 100+ times.

Sleep is the biggest factor though, it’s like torture. We all need sleep to function, yet your lucky if I get 3-4 hours broken sleep a night. Now again, this is my fault, I co-slept and breastfed, as much as I loved both, I am now dealing with terrible consequences that are really draining and just make bedtime a nightmare in this house. My oldest and youngest are ok at sleeping, it’s just my middle child that makes it incredibly difficult for me. So I love breastfeeding/cosleeping but yeah, they just gave me some horrific problems that I now need to sort out, easier said than done though when your shattered and will do anything for sleep.

Routine is a hard one aswel, I try to stick to the same time for everything, but 3 days out of the week I amnt around to do it, I’m at work so I have to leave them with other people and then when that happens we have no routine. So that is a downside to working, all routine when at work is non existent. And especially when the girls are with dad, he spoils them, so I get 2 spoilt little girlies handed back to me which is erm, fun I suppose.

Most of all though, I’m just struggling being by myself, you wake up and get everyone sorted and then yourself. Lunch you feed everyone else and then yourself, tea time is mostly just leftovers or a ready meal because by the time bed time has come around I am way too tired to even thinking about making anything for myself. I get everyone in bed, I tidy up, I go to bed, I don’t have any ‘me time’ for what can be upto 8 days at it’s worst when Craig eventually gets a day off. Now I know some may say I decided to have kids so I should expect not to have anytime to myself, and I suppose that’s true, but then how is it fair that the dads get to be away and have time after work or before work to themself? It just doesn’t seem very fair to me. Everything is rushed that I do, shower? Rushed, eating something? Rushed. I can’t even have a pee in peace without someone needing the toilet at the exac same time.

I know it won’t be like this forever, and soon, I will be wishing I could have all this I’m moaning for, back. During this exact moment though, I just want some sleep, even a few hours uninterrupted would be nice! One can wish though x

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