Ah, something I never thought I’d have to deal with again, it was pretty easy the first time I was by myself with a kid(before I got with Craig and after I split up with Riley’s dad). I had moved back in with my mum, so I had her, my dad and my sisters for help so I didn’t really find it very difficult and also, Riley was an easy child and never gave me any problems!
This time around though, I’m doing it solo, with not just one kid, but three! Two of which are toddlers(I know, I’m bloody mental amnt I). To say it hasn’t been incredibly challenging would be a lie, at times I’ve felt like running away, I mean, I still don’t get a full nights sleep and trust me, that’s difficult. Sleep is important, and especially when you suffer with mental health as do I, I find if I’m tired, my anxiety is even worse than it usually is, and tbh, I think tired is something I’m going to feel for a while to come.
Really though, I’m more bothered about my children, I never wanted this for them, I never wanted them to not have both parents in the same house, having to go between houses, that sucks, luckily the girls are still pretty young so don’t understand, Riley on the other hand, he took it badly, bless him. Thankfully though, even when I thought it was over for good, Craig still took Riley, and his family still included him in everything, I am so lucky to have them, that’s why I honestly couldn’t be without craig, as much as he may drive me mental, and hopefully things will work out in the end!
The hardest part about it all for me though, is the loneliness, once night time comes, and the kids are all in bed, that’s when it really hits me. I don’t have anyone to talk too, after spending my day with kids who really couldn’t care less about how my day has been, it would just be nice to have someone to sit and have a conversation with that isn’t about Xbox, or babies, or whatever. It’s boring, and I always end up taking myself off to bed at 9pm, because I don’t feel like sitting up watching tv myself, I’d much rather be watching it and have someone with me but I obviously just don’t have that option at the moment.
Surprisingly though, it hasn’t been as bad as I imagined, it’s definitely getting a little easier, I think just because I’m getting used to life on my own with the kids. At first I didn’t think I’d cope, but I surprised myself. That’s not me saying my house is immaculate and I’m cooking and baking everyday for the kids because I am 100% not, the house is still a mess, my washing pile is huge and I love a good freezer dinner but hey, one step at a time, right?!