Baby Loss, losing a baby for the second time.

Ah, this subject again, and unfortunately for me I found myself in this situation just after Riley turned 2. To say I was shocked when I found out I was pregnant again would be an under statement, but hey, a baby is something to be happy about so I was completely fine with this, the baby would of been due christmas day, what a day to be due a baby huh?! The pregnancy was ok to start with, a little sickness, just the usual for me, and then, it started, the doubts.

I started getting light pains when I was what should of been 6 weeks 5 days, and by 7 weeks the bleeding came, so, I decided to book an early scan, and managed to book it for the next again day. I decided to try and stay positive as the bleeding was on and off, and it wasn’t too heavy so I was praying it was just some implantation bleeding. The day came, and I woke up with more bleeding, great I thought, and then I prepared myself for the news I thought I would receive. I got drinking my water, and got myself ready, dropped riley off at his grans and made our way to the scanning place.

The wait was horrendous, just sitting around, waiting to be seen, and to make it worse the room was filled with happy people, and yet, I had a feeling I would be leaving unhappy. After a 10-15 minute wait, we got called in, and I just kept my fingers crossed. I had already been goggling the shit out of 7 week scan photos so I could see what I was meant to see on the screen, and lets just say, what I seen was in no way what a 7 week scan looked like. I measured 6 weeks and 2 days, baby had a heartbeat and she told me everything looked great and she didn’t know why I was worrying so much. I left feeling a little bit better, but something just didn’t feel right.

The next day I woke up, and it was quite clear to me that something wasn’t right, so I phoned the doctors who asked me to come in, they took blood to check my hcg and then booked me in again for a few days time and that was that, very helpful right? The day after though I couldn’t stand the not knowing, and I phoned epu(you can phone yourself if you have been seen by them before, if not you need referred)they got me a scan for that day and off we went, but I knew the answer before we even got seen, the bleeding had gotten heavier and I just sort of knew.

That room again, we sat in it, along with another couple, none of us saying anything, just sitting, looking absolutely miserable. We got called, and got taken in and asked whats been happening? I told them about the scan, and how I was measuring behind, and they asked why I paid for a scan, when I should of just phoned them and got seen, but I didn’t want to be a pest, I thought imagine I go up and nothing is even wrong, but they said don’t be silly, thats why we are here and made me feel so much better. She told me the screen would be off to start with, and then she would turn it on for me.

That wait for her to tell me what was happening felt like ages, but I knew by the look on her face that it wasn’t good news. She said she wasn’t turning the screen on, cause considering I had seen a baby the other day, now, I wouldn’t see anything as it was gone. Gone in a matter of days, a baby, with a beating heart, gone just like that. Now I know, too some thats not a baby, but for me, the moment you see that little heart beating, that is a baby too me, but I know everyones different and have own opinions. I told them how scared I was that what happened before to me would happen again, and they told me it was very unlikely that would happen and I should be able to do it naturally. I did manage it naturally and with not much pain, but the emotional pain was definitely still there.

I do want to add that I have factor VI leiden, which if you don’t know is a blood disorder, which can cause miscarriages. I obviously don’t know if this is why I had mine, but it could be a reason for me having 2. It’s something i’ll never know the answer too obviously, but when reading about my disorder it does mention that x

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